I’ve been thinking about restarting my vlog for the past few months, but with that came the usual trepidation of anxiety I get whenever I had a new idea on something to talk about.
It wasn’t that I didn’t think it was interesting or worth examining. In fact, the idea of going through the process of assembling a vlog is something I was still very much wanted to explore.
The problem…was I found myself wanting to do anything else other than sit in front of my camera and talk into it while trying not to look like an absolute burk.
It’s a common perception that people who work in media are self-effacing narcissists and while I’ve met and worked with my fair share of them in the past eight years, I can say with some degree of confidence that I am not one of those people.
The reason why I started in radio was so if I had to talk, the audience would only hear me, but not have to sit there and wonder what the hell some pudgy, pasty guy with a receding hairline is doing clogging up their news every night.
And considering once upon a time, I did live theater and loved every second of it, you’d think I’d be okay being under a potential spotlight still. Nothing could be further from the truth.
The longer I did it, the more uncomfortable I got. I didn’t like looking at me because I’ve long held the belief that nobody else likes to much either. Coincidentally, there’s a reason why I have only one mirror in my house, and unless I want my full security deposit back when I eventually vacate, it’s probably for the best that it remain where it is in my bathroom.
Now I suppose if I looked more like Christian Bale, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Colin Farrell or some other guy whose first name started with the letter C, I might not be so self-conscious and shy about the rest of the world seeing me. As it is, though, I am…and I don’t know if that’s ever really going to change at this point.
But after taking some time off and seeing how some other vloggers have constructed their content, I figured I might give it one more college try and see if I can do so in a way I feel much more comfortable with. It took me about 15 hours to put this together, from start to finish, and for all the hiccups that came along with it over those two long days, I think if I’m going to keep doing it, I’ll be much happier doing so in a format like this.
You be the judge. Our lines are open.